BROKEN.

I've debated writing a post on this, because it's really not a pretty thing and I don't want to bring others down with it. But I just can't shake it. Losing sleep over it. Getting my stomach all tied up in knots every time I think about it. But it happened. And there is no way to twist it and make it pretty. I read this (click here) over at Lemonade Makin' Mama's blog and it had me in tears. But it hit right at home with me. Although I don't understand why this happened, it did. And like many other things in life, we have to face it head on.

We got some devastating news over the weekend. Early Saturday morning, there was a fire at our friend Bobbi's Bed and Breakfast, and it took her life, along with her 15 year old and 3 year old daughters, and three guests who were staying at the B&B. It's so surreal to lose someone you know. Someone you care about. Someone who has been such a sweet friend. And someone you just saw, not too long ago. It doesn't seem real. I've never lost a friend before. I've never known a child that has died. Especially one that my daughter has played with before. That's what I can't shake. So young. So innocent. Did they know what was happening? Were they scared? Did they hold each other and pray? I've been up there before, on the third floor where they died. We've stayed at her Inn many times. Been in the rooms that people were trying to escape from. I can't get this image out of my mind.

It seriously makes me want to throw up, but I still can't pull myself away.

My honey is a painting contractor, and owns a painting and restoration company. I think that's why we became such good friends with Bobbi. We bonded over our love for old things, wanting to preserve and restore to the way things were before. Three years ago, he hand scraped and painted this entire 1899 Victorian mansion,  it's carriage house and copula by himself. The most challenging and rewarding project he's ever taken on, hands down. We have great memories of that time. I was seven months pregnant with Nugget, off from teaching for the summer, and the two of us lived in her carriage house for three weeks as he completed the project. Sweet, sweet memories we made that summer. Bobbi was so excited for us. Everyday she'd dig around in her upstairs and bring out a stack of Savannah's hand me downs for our baby. Some of it we kept, some of it we passed along. But one that stands out is Nugget's beloved blankie. Savannah had gotten two of the same pink minky dot blanket with satin trimmed edges, and Bobbi graciously shared one with us. Little did I know at the time, it would become my daughter's lovey, which she sleeps with every night.

An early photo of her home, long before it became 'The Bohemian'.

Tomorrow we're going to their wake. Usually traveling to their town brings excitement, but tomorrow will bring sadness. But going feels right. We will visit the house and take it all in with our own eyes. I will cry and I will question why this happened. I will hold my family tighter as I am reminded just how precious life is. I will remember her for all her goodness. And someday, when Nugget and Brother read this post, I will tell them all about Bobbi and what a great friend she was and how we loved her so.