BROKEN.

I've debated writing a post on this, because it's really not a pretty thing and I don't want to bring others down with it. But I just can't shake it. Losing sleep over it. Getting my stomach all tied up in knots every time I think about it. But it happened. And there is no way to twist it and make it pretty. I read this (click here) over at Lemonade Makin' Mama's blog and it had me in tears. But it hit right at home with me. Although I don't understand why this happened, it did. And like many other things in life, we have to face it head on.

We got some devastating news over the weekend. Early Saturday morning, there was a fire at our friend Bobbi's Bed and Breakfast, and it took her life, along with her 15 year old and 3 year old daughters, and three guests who were staying at the B&B. It's so surreal to lose someone you know. Someone you care about. Someone who has been such a sweet friend. And someone you just saw, not too long ago. It doesn't seem real. I've never lost a friend before. I've never known a child that has died. Especially one that my daughter has played with before. That's what I can't shake. So young. So innocent. Did they know what was happening? Were they scared? Did they hold each other and pray? I've been up there before, on the third floor where they died. We've stayed at her Inn many times. Been in the rooms that people were trying to escape from. I can't get this image out of my mind.

It seriously makes me want to throw up, but I still can't pull myself away.

My honey is a painting contractor, and owns a painting and restoration company. I think that's why we became such good friends with Bobbi. We bonded over our love for old things, wanting to preserve and restore to the way things were before. Three years ago, he hand scraped and painted this entire 1899 Victorian mansion,  it's carriage house and copula by himself. The most challenging and rewarding project he's ever taken on, hands down. We have great memories of that time. I was seven months pregnant with Nugget, off from teaching for the summer, and the two of us lived in her carriage house for three weeks as he completed the project. Sweet, sweet memories we made that summer. Bobbi was so excited for us. Everyday she'd dig around in her upstairs and bring out a stack of Savannah's hand me downs for our baby. Some of it we kept, some of it we passed along. But one that stands out is Nugget's beloved blankie. Savannah had gotten two of the same pink minky dot blanket with satin trimmed edges, and Bobbi graciously shared one with us. Little did I know at the time, it would become my daughter's lovey, which she sleeps with every night.

An early photo of her home, long before it became 'The Bohemian'.

Tomorrow we're going to their wake. Usually traveling to their town brings excitement, but tomorrow will bring sadness. But going feels right. We will visit the house and take it all in with our own eyes. I will cry and I will question why this happened. I will hold my family tighter as I am reminded just how precious life is. I will remember her for all her goodness. And someday, when Nugget and Brother read this post, I will tell them all about Bobbi and what a great friend she was and how we loved her so.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY.

I love holidays. Especially in the summer time. It's all my favorite things about the season rolled into one night. Friends. BBQ. Bonfire. Outside on the deck. Littles running around, squealing in delight. Fireworks. Staying up late. I do however, hate the heat, but I guess i'll take it as my other option is freezing for five months straight (we live in MN...) I'm gonna warn you. I took LOTS of pictures.

We began our festivities by making some special treats for our friends:

This is Nugget's job when we bake.

Our patriotic cupcakes. Yum.

 Nugget got to decorate her own tray of cupcakes. She was delighted and so proud to do so!

Friends be warned, eat at your own risk!

I saw this idea in Family Fun magazine, and knew we had to try it. It was super easy and a huge hit!

Dip strawberry half way into melted white chocolate chips, then dip bottom of strawberry in blue sugar (found in the baking aisle with the other sprinkles). A tasty treat.

Daddy surprised us with some kid friendly fireworks:

And the kiddos quickly got the hang of 'em.

Daddy reminisced about his childhood as he lit off some other crazy fireworks for the kids:



The kids had a ball with Chinese yo-yos. Best buck i've spent in a long time. I love cheap entertainment!

Brother didn't make it much past six o'clock or so, but Nugget partied til wee hours of the night.

 Nugget with her buddies, Avery and Norah.

 Love these two. Best buddies. I love how they hadn't seen each other in awhile and just picked right up like they hadn't missed a beat.

Little Miss Avery.

Some more friends and neighbors joined us out on our deck later that night to watch the fireworks. We have a pretty good view of them from our backyard, minus one darn tree that blocks a few every year. Oh well, it's so nice to not have to mess with the crowd of people and just enjoy them from our home. It also is convenient when you have sleeping littles.

Oh, I failed to mention that the above festivities occurred on the 3rd of July. I guess maybe because the 4th fell on a Monday, our town chose to celebrate a day early? Either way, we had fun and it gave us two days to celebrate. So, the next afternoon we headed to a nearby town's parade.

Brother loved watching all the floats and activity of people. He had a huge grin on his little face the whole time!

Nugget is always up for a good parade.

The highlight of the parade? A rare opportunity to witness this poor tractor blow a tire, which was filled with muddy, brown salt water. It was pulling a wagon of teens from the area Catholic school, and the poor things got soaked! Apparently it's pretty dangerous so they all had to be rushed off the float to be hosed down and checked out by the paramedics. Thankfully everyone was ok. The parade hardly missed a beat as they quickly unhooked the trailer, got it moved off to the side, and the remaining floats had to bypass the tractor as it sat there until the parade ended.

Isn't this adorable? Nugget and her friend, Abby, waving to the princesses.

Aww, love a sleeping baby! Although we were both quite sweaty and his little head just kept sliding further down my arm.

Nugget and her Daddy. Love.

Me (with some wild hair!) and my littles.

Happy 4th of July!

SNIPPETS.

Another week has passed. Trying to suck every possible breath out of summer. Here we go...

Sister walking her baby down to Patty's Place.

She loves these boots, I think she'd wear them everyday if I let her!

Daddy was working just down the street from our house this week, so we got to have a picnic lunch with him. It's always a treat to see Daddy mid-day!

We enjoyed a beautiful night playing outside.

Sister drew this and said 'Look Mom. It's an octopus.' First time she's ever drawn an intentional object, other than the letter O. Made me happy and proud.

Picked some strawberries from our garden. They are divine. So sweet, unlike nothing else.

And they just melt in your mouth. Yum.

Happy girl.

Happy boy.

Still loving this toy.

Making friends.

We enjoyed an evening swim out at Cedar Lake before a storm rolled in.

It was Brother's first time in a lake, and I would say he is not a fan.

Treated myself to a pedicure this weekend. Although both kids came with me. It's the only way it was gonna happen, so I just had to roll with it. Sister was game for getting her toes painted too. Picked out red, white and blue polish. Took off her flip flops. Climbed up in the chair. Then her shyness took over and she changed her mind. Luckily we had similar colors at home, which she decided was a better option. Silly girl.

Brother and our cat, Pete. Pete's got about 7 pounds up on the little guy. Seriously, he is one big cat.

LOTS of 4th of July pictures to come!

INDEPENDENCE.

Something is changing in my girl. She's growing up a bit. She's getting smarter. Braver. A tad daring. And a little less shy. She is learning her independence from me. In the grand scheme of life, this is a good thing. But in the here and now, I am reminded that she is only little for a little while, and I don't want these changes to happen too quickly. Some leave me rooting for her, encouraging her and cheering her on. And others leave me scrambling, trying to keep her in that protective bubble just a little while longer. She's trying to find a new balance between being an independent little lady, while still needing her Mama too, and I'm learning a new balance between being her protector and letting her test the waters. The silver lining? I will always be her Mama, and in some shape or form, she will always need me. And I will always be here for her.

It's been exciting to watch her branch out. To slowly loosen her grip from around my leg, and learn that she's just as safe a few feet away. My heart was beaming this week as I watched a few of her friendships grow deeper.

Shy and timid at first, she was very much an observer as some older kids dominated the wadding pool. But as they were leaving, her friend Abby arrived, and they were adorable together. It's sweet how a friendship can grow on very few words, but lots of splashing and giggles.



She was thrilled when we got to have another play date with Abby this morning, this time at their friend Olivia's house. How sweet of Tiffany to remember that we don't have air conditioning and invite us over on this smoldering 100 degree day. These play dates are just as enjoyable for me as they are for my Nugget. These three girls (and the Mama's) met in baby ECFE class, almost three years ago!

Adorable or what? I love little girl giggles.



I shouldn't fail to mention that there are two cutie boys that are a part of this playgroup (Well, six actually. Four of us have had baby boys in the last several months!) However, they were not able to join us today, so we took the opportunity to do something girly.

'A painting project' as my girl calls it. And Tiffany and I were able to check 'Pet Rocks' off our Summer Fun lists. Two birds with one stone, baby.

 Nugget

 Olivia

Abby

As we're getting ready to celebrate Independence Day, my girl is learning independence, her way. Now that's something to celebrate!